16/05/2017

White wolf steps down.

He was never truly there.
I thought of North
But came from South

Coyote of South was him
Who walked besides me

He also stepped down.
Or his path for a while led elsewhere

Bear of East is here now

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Love That I could Never Categorise

Silent silent stay my heart
Empty clear I call my mind
Silent silent stay my heart
Empty clear I call my mind

Silent silent stay my heart
Empty clear I call my mind

Vision
Abstracts
Travels to far far lands
Of waters mountains
sun across the peaks

It was there were my heart was broken
I never thought or noticed
Thou now when gone
I feel that sweet soothing pain

As he is a greater man
Who’s love heals and cools
Open wounds
And broken bones

He is a greater man
I said again
He is a greater man
And echos crossed my mind a thousand times
He is a greater man

I never knew him

I knew his hands when I could hold them
I knew his voice when he talked
And when he worked
I knew his voice when he laughed aloud
I knew his face from afar and
So close I could touch him

I knew his posture
Desktop cover
Mother friend and lover
I knew his house
But never home

I knew his feet always standing
So far
Apart
I knew his taste of life and women

So at end I might say
I knew him
Or did I not?
Most of all I missed him
And my voice broke and words became a whisper

Oh how I missed him
So innocent and deeply
So quite and tender
I missed to see him shine
And share that love of world and people
I missed his funny trouble stories
And his sweet words in times of need

I missed his strength when things went awry
I missed his smile
And his hugs so tight
So tight I forgot to breath

Oh how I missed him

He is a greater man
And Me?
Just a stranger in a crowd
Just a call for fixing things
Just a call for fixing things
But never to celebrate joy of life
Just a talk for passing time
But never to crazy dance and adventure
Just a wall to climb higher
But never to lean on when he was in need

Just a girl with funny dreams
But never a woman
Of his
Dreams

He was a greater man
And me now miles away
With subtle subtle broken heart

Oh how I miss him

27/12/2016

I wish to know where you go when you day dream.
When you have sleepless nights
Where your heart takes you and what is that pain about?

I wish to know if after frightful night you still wake up and let sun inside.
When your loved ones fight for life
Do you sit next to them?

When your heart falters
Do you forgive?
Yourself and others…
When your thoughts fight for right and wrong
Is your heart still there?
Can you arrive to peace?

Where you go in your dreams?
Whom you search for and what your heart aches for?
Whom you meet and do you dream in colors?

What you do when world crumbles upon you?
And do you still wake up next morning and get out of the bed?
What you choose in moments of pain?
With whom you share your pain and heartaches?
With whom you share your biggest and wildest dreams?

When do you dance for yourself?
Do you ever sing and if so
What song is yours and yours alone?

What you do when you wish to hide from the world?
What is that thought and emotion that causes you
T o avoid all that is in the Now?

I wish to know if you ever take a walk in forest and never tell it to anyone else?
What you see when you look in the mirror?
Who has those eyes that I have never seen?

What you do when you find yourself building a wall?
Is your heart still there and how you connect?
Do you ever leave a window open in that wall for me to climb up?

Who are the gods you speak to?
What words you use to pray?

Have you seen the beauty in newborns face when crying?
Have you seen the beauty in all those little things that bother you?
Have you seen the beauty in wars and suffering?
Have you seen the beauty in dying man’s face?
What beauty is that and can you ever forget?

What you wish to forget?
What can never be unseen?
Which wounds are still open and which you try to hide?
What you do when you wish to heal your traumas?
Do you ever want to let them go?

What are your morning rituals before you feel awake?
What is most played song on your playlist?
Which movie you would always watch?
Have you ever went to theatre alone?

What have you not told your best friend?
What you missed to tell your parents long time ago and now?
Would you ever choose a moment to last for eternity?

Whom you miss at 2 am in night?
And whom you miss when life feels most alive?
Where would you be right now if you could be anywhere?
Would it be only one place or time?

What would you give to live eternity in bliss?
What would you give to be free and liberated of all?
What would you give to everyone if you could give all?

What would you give yourself for today and this moment?

01/09/2016

Day of packing. Day of pain and sorrow. Day of tears. Day of laughter and heavy heart. Day of music and dancing. Day of emotional rollercoaster. Day of being gone so far where only time brings back to physical world.

As I struggled to keep up any thought or task to do for the day, I went to talk to man I look up to. And he talked short and fast. And directly answered and those answers created pain and disappointment. As another year have passed and in a split second seemed that this was another year completely wasted.

It took time to shrug that feeling off. To arrive to a point when I can say that it is not true. This have been most influential year of life that I could remember. Actually only year that I seem to be able to recall. As if all else have disappeared and faded far away in ocean of memories.

Another push given to realise that there is no way back. There are no second plans or backdoor exits. There is now. And what follows. And by my own choice that what follows shall come to be. Shall come in light. And all that is now shall create every moment after.

So much sorrow eating up heart as I see my best friend crying in car. As last time we park the car in our yard. As I know this is last time when this happens while I still live here. And it’s beautiful. Beautiful to realise and in that moment experience that I am a human. With all this pain and hurting heart. And that was moment to cherish.

As I slowly packed all the things and cleaned room that I called home for half a year my heart and mind came to order. Arrived in peace. And at some moment experienced inner silence. As all is in right place and right time. And that was reached by giving time and allowing all to be in right order.

And that is what I take from today. Experiencing silence within. Experiencing that all that is – is how it is supposed to be in this system. And that decision to put a sign on an organisation to keep all that is needed there and receive even more and in same time that all that is not need to throw out. Well that was decision with a risk. And still to have a sign there was more important that my own thought or wanting or ego. So organisation can grow and flourish with only that what is needed.

Calm evenings and a hand on knee. That at is what brings life and joy and love. People. People who hold space.

 

31/08/2016

From today this is my reflection place. Place where all thought and emotion, spirit and heart combines in lessons of life. Whereas they might be simple or big, that is meaning I choose to give.

Dat of students. Of more than hundred beings standing in front of me. And my heart in stillness. It took 10 minutes to experience myself in front of hundred and get to realisation how peaceful I can be in that moment. How much love and joy I share with everyone who is in front.

Day before I took decision that my vision for 5 hour event for more than 100 students will be joy. And that is what I transferred to the team who worked together with me. And that is what was created throughout the day by everyone of us who worked with students together.

Fast decisions made to change a game so it would fit in program and still bring something new to students. And also would fit with personality of a team member. That is what brought peace at end.

Small interventions while playing games. Building most attractive story about an organisation to introduce a game. But more importantly to raise the energy and transfer it to every student that I come in contact with. So they could enjoy a simple game most. So they would be charged and would have a chance to experience learning through joy. Experience being together through cooperation.

At end it was wonderful and powerful day finished with most lovely team that brought joy, support, clarity, light, strength, commitment, peacefulness, entertainment and love.

 

And another part of day begun and ended with bit of heaviness in heart of people leaving. Leaving a very dear place, friends and loved ones. And meeting of those with whom I plan future together. To create that what can bring more light and love around. Plans are set. Actions to take. Results to reach. And most importantly – love and light to give.

03/04/2016

fifteen steps
till
nowhere

guide me till
seaside shores

and gently gently
back

seashells beneath
feet not
on the plate

moment
when seagull
sees sea
as her mirror

fly so high
till end of world
and beyond

 

/translated from Latvian/

original text here

piecpadsmit soļi
līdz
nekurienei

aizved mani līdz
jūrai

un lēni lēni
atpakaļ

gliemežu čaulas
zem pēdām
ne šķīvī

mirklis
kur kaija
redz sevi jūras
spogulī

aizlidot augstu
līdz pasaules malai
un vēl

26/03/2016

Love binds our Order together; love of people, of cultures, of the world. Fight to preserve that which inspires hope, and you will win back your people.

/Ezio Auditore da Firenze/

Today is day of sun and happiness. Inspiration drawn from people, world and all feelings inside. Going for excellence on daily life basis is highest training of all in life. To wake up every day with intention that today I create world a better place. I choose to share love and light and become who I can be. To choose to grow up and let go of fear of myself. To choose going for highest self and share it to those around me.

To choose keep the intention no matter how much pain or sorrow or heartaches can be. To love myself even through anger and suffering and carry on the life of love. And keep that intention no matter what and where. To love mistakes and rising up. To find gold even after daily stumbles.

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

Purity of light…