When I am bad in apologies and heart wants to be in peace

I gave into fear
and fear took me
I screwed it up
And my shadow self became more than me

I cursed for a moment
On the night of delusions
How could I be so
Hard

Insensitive to the other

Shame became bigger
than my own light

I gave into fear
And I allowed it to lead me

Take me back home
I beg you
Take me back home

Where my heart stops waging war
And arrives into peace

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iX

We read our poetry under the blankets
Where only light is ours
“Your heart shines”

We read our poetry only under the blankets
And the lines are as follows
Where my hand ends
Your heart starts
Where your fingertips touch
I tremble
Where my legs cross
Yours over
We tangle n’ twist
Under each other

I shout in silence
And hear your groan
We might be animals
Except for wings (and visions)

(We become pure again and light surrounded)

Dzīvot

Vai es vēlos dzīvot?
(Galvā balsis un jautājumi dun)
Tas nav tas pats kā jautāt
Vai vēlies mirt?
Tam tāda pati atbilde
Un ne tuvu pat nozīme

Kaut kur pa vidum klīstot
Esībā un būtībā
Bez sākuma vai beigām
Tikai tagad un te
————————
Es nevēlos mirt
Bet vai tu vēlies dzīvot?

No ēnas uz gaismu uz garu

Tas, kas esi
Paslēpts
Tas, ko rādi
Bilde
Gaisma aiz
Ēnas
Nobālēja

Ēna pāraug
Sauc par
Sevi

Paslēpt, aiziet
Skriet
Prom kad
Vēlies
Aptsājies
————————

Elpo lēni
Piecelies
Ļauj gaismai
Plūst un
Izstarot
————————

Miers
Ienāk
Atnāk
Norimst
Skaidrs
Kļūst
Kā gaisma virmo

Ļauj degt
Un starot
Radīt
Rādīt
Izgarot
————————

Kļūt par
Garu
Gaismas
Garu

————————

Bilde izzūd
Ēnā izzūd
Paliek tikai viens
Gaismas stars
Kas kļūst par
Tevi

16/05/2017

White wolf steps down.

He was never truly there.
I thought of North
But came from South

Coyote of South was him
Who walked besides me

He also stepped down.
Or his path for a while led elsewhere

Bear of East is here now

Love That I could Never Categorise

Silent silent stay my heart
Empty clear I call my mind
Silent silent stay my heart
Empty clear I call my mind

Silent silent stay my heart
Empty clear I call my mind

Vision
Abstracts
Travels to far far lands
Of waters mountains
sun across the peaks

It was there were my heart was broken
I never thought or noticed
Thou now when gone
I feel that sweet soothing pain

As he is a greater man
Who’s love heals and cools
Open wounds
And broken bones

He is a greater man
I said again
He is a greater man
And echos crossed my mind a thousand times
He is a greater man

I never knew him

I knew his hands when I could hold them
I knew his voice when he talked
And when he worked
I knew his voice when he laughed aloud
I knew his face from afar and
So close I could touch him

I knew his posture
Desktop cover
Mother friend and lover
I knew his house
But never home

I knew his feet always standing
So far
Apart
I knew his taste of life and women

So at end I might say
I knew him
Or did I not?
Most of all I missed him
And my voice broke and words became a whisper

Oh how I missed him
So innocent and deeply
So quite and tender
I missed to see him shine
And share that love of world and people
I missed his funny trouble stories
And his sweet words in times of need

I missed his strength when things went awry
I missed his smile
And his hugs so tight
So tight I forgot to breath

Oh how I missed him

He is a greater man
And Me?
Just a stranger in a crowd
Just a call for fixing things
Just a call for fixing things
But never to celebrate joy of life
Just a talk for passing time
But never to crazy dance and adventure
Just a wall to climb higher
But never to lean on when he was in need

Just a girl with funny dreams
But never a woman
Of his
Dreams

He was a greater man
And me now miles away
With subtle subtle broken heart

Oh how I miss him

27/12/2016

I wish to know where you go when you day dream.
When you have sleepless nights
Where your heart takes you and what is that pain about?

I wish to know if after frightful night you still wake up and let sun inside.
When your loved ones fight for life
Do you sit next to them?

When your heart falters
Do you forgive?
Yourself and others…
When your thoughts fight for right and wrong
Is your heart still there?
Can you arrive to peace?

Where you go in your dreams?
Whom you search for and what your heart aches for?
Whom you meet and do you dream in colors?

What you do when world crumbles upon you?
And do you still wake up next morning and get out of the bed?
What you choose in moments of pain?
With whom you share your pain and heartaches?
With whom you share your biggest and wildest dreams?

When do you dance for yourself?
Do you ever sing and if so
What song is yours and yours alone?

What you do when you wish to hide from the world?
What is that thought and emotion that causes you
T o avoid all that is in the Now?

I wish to know if you ever take a walk in forest and never tell it to anyone else?
What you see when you look in the mirror?
Who has those eyes that I have never seen?

What you do when you find yourself building a wall?
Is your heart still there and how you connect?
Do you ever leave a window open in that wall for me to climb up?

Who are the gods you speak to?
What words you use to pray?

Have you seen the beauty in newborns face when crying?
Have you seen the beauty in all those little things that bother you?
Have you seen the beauty in wars and suffering?
Have you seen the beauty in dying man’s face?
What beauty is that and can you ever forget?

What you wish to forget?
What can never be unseen?
Which wounds are still open and which you try to hide?
What you do when you wish to heal your traumas?
Do you ever want to let them go?

What are your morning rituals before you feel awake?
What is most played song on your playlist?
Which movie you would always watch?
Have you ever went to theatre alone?

What have you not told your best friend?
What you missed to tell your parents long time ago and now?
Would you ever choose a moment to last for eternity?

Whom you miss at 2 am in night?
And whom you miss when life feels most alive?
Where would you be right now if you could be anywhere?
Would it be only one place or time?

What would you give to live eternity in bliss?
What would you give to be free and liberated of all?
What would you give to everyone if you could give all?

What would you give yourself for today and this moment?