12/09/2015

As I was waking up hard feelings took over my body. I felt like there would be a hole in place where my heart is and that this hole slowly but persistently would be swelling everything of me. It was hurting. And even though my brain was saying that it is ok to feel like that my body wasn’t listening and just creating more struggle. And as those feelings were raising I was told a sentence: “That automatic interpretation about all mine and all your actions clouds the mind”. How easy it is to fall into imagination and not check reality – what there really is? Is it true?

Morning walk/run through woods and fields. Paved road, green lights, rarely passing cars and cyclers, distant cows and horses. Smell of manure had taken over the whole place. I was told I will get used to that. So many thoughts were running through my brain as I was running on physical plane. How easily it is for a seed to be planted and slowly grow on the back of the head. Home.

And then moment of happiness, moment of care – morning frappe from my nice house mates. Small talk and a cigarette. Slowly moving from place to place as our garden becomes a gathering place for BBQ. Talks, smiles, care, play, peace, sadness, smiles, tiredness, sleep and games. A bit of talks and friendly visit. Days past peacefully. As if in world would be no worries or struggles bigger than reaching for BBQ sauce, rain in the evening or spilled beer on the ground.

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