01/09/2016

Day of packing. Day of pain and sorrow. Day of tears. Day of laughter and heavy heart. Day of music and dancing. Day of emotional rollercoaster. Day of being gone so far where only time brings back to physical world.

As I struggled to keep up any thought or task to do for the day, I went to talk to man I look up to. And he talked short and fast. And directly answered and those answers created pain and disappointment. As another year have passed and in a split second seemed that this was another year completely wasted.

It took time to shrug that feeling off. To arrive to a point when I can say that it is not true. This have been most influential year of life that I could remember. Actually only year that I seem to be able to recall. As if all else have disappeared and faded far away in ocean of memories.

Another push given to realise that there is no way back. There are no second plans or backdoor exits. There is now. And what follows. And by my own choice that what follows shall come to be. Shall come in light. And all that is now shall create every moment after.

So much sorrow eating up heart as I see my best friend crying in car. As last time we park the car in our yard. As I know this is last time when this happens while I still live here. And it’s beautiful. Beautiful to realise and in that moment experience that I am a human. With all this pain and hurting heart. And that was moment to cherish.

As I slowly packed all the things and cleaned room that I called home for half a year my heart and mind came to order. Arrived in peace. And at some moment experienced inner silence. As all is in right place and right time. And that was reached by giving time and allowing all to be in right order.

And that is what I take from today. Experiencing silence within. Experiencing that all that is Рis how it is supposed to be in this system. And that decision to put a sign on an organisation to keep all that is needed there and receive even more and in same time that all that is not need to throw out. Well that was decision with a risk. And still to have a sign there was more important that my own thought or wanting or ego. So organisation can grow and flourish with only that what is needed.

Calm evenings and a hand on knee. That at is what brings life and joy and love. People. People who hold space.

 

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